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SELF-HARM – You’re not the only one

How do you know if you or someone you know is self-harming? This sounds like a strange question, but many people aren’t sure if what they’re doing is ‘really’ self-harm. Answer these questions:

1. Do you deliberately inflict physical harm to the point of causing tissue damage (breakdown of the skin, bruising, marks lasting more than an hour)?
2. Do you do this self-harm as a way of coping with unpleasant or overwhelming emotions, obsessive thoughts, or dissociation?
3. If your self-harm is not compulsive, do you often think about self-harm even when you are relatively calm and you don’t do it at the time?
4. Are you ‘accident upside down?’
5. Do you prevent self-harm from healing?

If you answered ‘Yes’ to points 1 and 2, you are self-harming. If you answered ‘yes’ to questions #3 and #5, you are most likely repeatedly self-harming. The way you choose to hurt yourself could be by cutting yourself, hitting yourself, burning yourself, scratching yourself, scratching your skin, pulling hair, banging your head, breaking bones, not letting wounds heal, abusing drugs or alcohol, or ingesting other deadly substances. “.
Despite the definition, self-harm, aka self-harm, self-mutilation, cutting, burning, you’re not doing anything shameful, you’re maintaining psychological integrity with the only tool you’ve got. It’s a crude and ultimately self-destructive tool, but it works; temporarily; you get relief from overwhelming emotional pain: fear/anxiety/sadness/anger in your life. Temporary relief is better than no relief.

o Five million Americans engage in some form of self-harm. An estimated three million Americans cut or burn themselves on purpose.

o 90% of people who self-harm begin to self-harm in adolescence.

o The average self-injurer begins at age fourteen and continues with increasing severity until they choose another coping mechanism or dedicate themselves to healing their emotional wounds.

o People who self-harm are victims of abuse: emotional, physical, sexual abuse, or child neglect.

o Self-harm is prevalent across all races and economic levels.

o 60% of people who self-harm are women, 40% are men.

o Self-harm becomes an addiction, as it provides respite from emotional pain for a short period; then the person repeats their self-injurious behavior to recreate the relief.

o People who self-harm are not suicidal or sick, weird, crazy, weird, or evil.

o Self-harm is a solution to excruciating emotional pain.

Self-harm is only a temporary solution. Self-injury makes the person feel better, but only for a short time. The only way to feel better is to heal the emotional wounds, which causes self-harm as a survival mechanism. Their excruciating emotional pain is extremely elusive and there seems to be no choice but to create external pain as a distraction, even if temporary.

People become very adept at hiding scars or explaining away self-injurious behavior. Look for signs such as: preference for concealed clothing at all times (long sleeves in hot weather), avoidance of situations where more revealing clothing is the norm (refusal to wear shorts, bathing suit, short sleeves, etc.), or frequent accidental injury complaints–falls, slips, scrapes on arms or legs, frequent black and blue marks.

Talk therapy is inadequate for uncovering emotional pain and healing trauma trapped in muscle and tissue. To fully appreciate the depth of this pain, I will quote one of my clients: “Even my blood hurts.” A multifaceted healing process focused specifically on recovery from emotional, physical, and sexual abuse and diligent work is most effective; where the survivor can restore her emotional and spiritual identity and empowerment.