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My husband wanted separation, but now he is constantly trying to keep an eye on me

Sometimes I hear from wives who are very confused about their husband’s confrontational behavior during a martial separation. Often times, it is he who initiated the separation and it seems that he can hardly wait to leave. But as soon as the couple lives apart, suddenly the husband wants to keep an eye on the wife or seems particularly interested in her daily activities.

I heard a wife say, “My husband has wanted to separate for a while. I did my best to dissuade him, but after hearing him insist for months, I finally gave in and agreed to go and live with my sister for a while. Because I was so anxious. for getting rid of me, I really didn’t expect to hear from him, although I knew I would miss him terribly. I’ve only been away for two days, but now he constantly calls me and wants to know what I’m doing. I’ll answer the phone and the first thing he tells me is’ what are you doing ‘in an almost accusatory way. Truth is, I’m’ I’m not doing anything and I’m telling her. Why is she asking? She couldn’t get rid of me fast enough and now it’s like she wants to keep watching me. What’s going on ? “I will try to answer these questions in the next article.

I may be missing you: Men often imagine having all kinds of peace and quiet to be able to think. But sometimes this is not the reality. Sometimes all that causes silence is loneliness. And then you may start to wonder if this was a good idea after all. And you look around you and realize that everything around you reminds you of you. Now, it could make things easier if he told you all this, but many men won’t. Instead, they will call you up and do annoying things like ask you what or how you are doing.

You may feel unsafe: It is very common for separated spouses to admit that, at least in part, they suspect that their spouse might eventually see other people during the separation. Your spouse could be acting under this suspicion or simply seeking reassurance, which brings me to my next point.

It is trying to determine your mood: It is common for the spouse who initiated the separation to have strong suspicions that you will be resentful and angry. Therefore, you may want to stay in close contact to assess your feelings. You may want to see if your resentment will drive you away. And you may feel some remorse for your actions.

Taking some positive implications from these pesky questions: I know this is probably very frustrating. But here are some positive signs. If you didn’t care at all, you wouldn’t be calling. If he wasn’t thinking of you at all and was living and celebrating his freedom, he wouldn’t be calling either. And since this wife didn’t want separation in the first place and wanted to save her marriage, this was good news for her.

How to respond when he keeps calling and asking what you are doing: First, you must decide what you really want to happen. And ultimately, this wife wanted her husband to come home. I know it’s tempting to say something like ‘well what do you think I’m doing? I’m sitting here looking at my sister and living in a strange place because you made me leave my own home because of your stupid separation, ‘but this is a bad idea. Because you don’t want to dissuade him from approaching you. Instead, you want him to want to register and initiate contact with you. So, as difficult as it may be, try to sound as optimistic as possible. Trying to make him feel guilty is also the wrong decision, because it causes him pain and makes him want to avoid you. That said, you don’t want it to sound like you’re sitting by the phone waiting for their call. You want him to know that you have too much self-respect for it.

An appropriate response might be something like, “Not much. I’m just hanging out with my sister. We’ll probably go out to dinner in a bit. What are you doing?”

I noticed that he was happy and I returned the question. And I alluded to the fact that no one was sitting waiting. Asked what he was doing, he leaves it open for him to share his feelings. You could say that you are not doing anything because you feel lonely. Or I could say that what he’s really doing is missing you. The point is not to interact with him and not ask him why he keeps calling you with his silly questions. Try to stay positive because this really is a good sign. It means that you are interested and that you are getting closer. And not all separated spouses fall into this category. Some husbands rarely call their wives, much less worry about their experiences or feelings.