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Headshot syndrome: break bad habits

Have you ever heard the expression, “Stop banging your head against the wall!” It’s an old expression my mom used and that basically translates to: There are certain things we do that are as productive and healthy as banging your head against the wall.

The interesting thing about banging your head against the wall, hereinafter known as HBS, is its tendency to repeat itself. Which brings up another voice from my childhood: “When will you learn?” As in: “How many times do you need to bang your head against the wall to realize it hurts?”

Why after our Mothers collectively imparted this wisdom to us, did it take us a long time to discover it for ourselves, or have we not yet done so? Actually, are we as thick as the bricks in that wall? The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expect different results. Hence the refrain of our Mother: “Are you crazy or what?”

In the Life Coaching process, we often find that people do just that … they carry on with habitual behaviors that not only don’t work, but actually hurt. We fall into a pattern and stick to it, through thick and thin. We operate on autopilot. We believe that we are making real decisions in our actions, but we are far from doing so. Habitual behavior dominates us. We are not really in control of our life.

Habitual behavior is often the result of behavioral adaptations that we made when we were younger. You know, if your mom doesn’t love you enough, you may have developed a habit of looking for love in the wrong places. I am sorry. And you kept repeating that behavior, a behavior that evolved from a childish reaction but surely doesn’t work as an adult, until you end up with your head bruised from all the blows. Finally a light goes out in the old noggin. What’s up with that?

Who is in charge here? Maybe it’s that childhood voice inside your head that says you are unlovable. Does that voice tell you the truth? No. It is a voice, just a voice and one that operates on very outdated and unreliable information. Call it a troll, demon, whatever. It started a long time ago when I was younger, at a time when I was making childish decisions to survive. Who are you going to listen to … you or you?

Stop hitting the head, will you? As your mother knew, it doesn’t get you anywhere quickly. No place is not a fun place. Understand that voice in your head for what it is … a voice that wants to keep you locked in habitual behavior that takes you away from inner awareness and therefore any change for the better.

Start by recognizing that voice and noticing it. That’s. Just take a look. Don’t argue or try to have a rational conversation. It is not a rational voice. Believe me, I know from experience. Once you are aware of its presence, you can choose to ignore it. Consciousness, then clarity, will lead to conscious decisions; decisions that you and only you make. Nothing unconscious like trolls or bad habits.

Seek to develop new habits. If your life was governed by bad habits, conversely, it may be governed by good habits that you consciously choose. To develop a habit, you simply have to continue for about three months and you will be safe at home. Just create the image of how you want your behavior to look and make a list of ten habits that will lead to that image of yourself.

It works the same with your life. Where would you like to be in ten years in terms of who and what you are and what you are doing? Think of ten habits that will lead you to that Future Self and start adopting those guidelines today. Work backwards from the future.

If you really want to make changes for the better, you need to be aware of what is running it. That takes work … but again, as Mom always said, “The effort you put into something determines what you get.” Or it was, “Nothing worthwhile is easy.” Whatever it is, you get the idea.