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Becoming a Grandpa: The Extraordinary Ordinary

In the documentary, The radio man with the red shoes Garrison Keillor describes the experience of seeing his newborn daughter for the first time by saying that he was “stunned by the fact that what he had seen was so utterly ordinary”. In doing so, he poignantly points out that while the experience was extraordinary for him, it was an ordinary everyday experience that occurs thousands, if not millions, of times a day.

The extraordinary ordinary has a way of humbling you, of bringing into focus the events that define us as human beings.

I recently had the pleasure of having one of these extraordinary ordinary experiences. On July 13 I became the grandfather of a beautiful girl. Holding her in my arms for the first time, I marveled at how incredibly extraordinary she felt.

An indescribable emotion came over me that I had never felt before. It was so different from what I felt when my son, the father of my granddaughter, was born that I have spent quite a bit of time reflecting on the difference. I must admit defeat in my attempts to put it into words. Becoming a parent is about starting a family, but becoming a grandparent is about coming full circle. For me it was deeply tribal and quietly satisfying. Those of you who are grandparents understand what I’m talking about. Those of you who aren’t… well, you probably aren’t.

When I found out last November that I was going to be a grandpa this summer, I wrote a post talking about passing the torch of leadership to the next generation. I said that a good leader knows when it’s time to step aside and that the whole event made me realize that my primary leadership role as a parent was coming to an end.

A good leader also knows that the fact that a position becomes vacant does not mean that it will be filled or, even if it is, that it will be filled adequately, responsibly and skillfully. Although many of the leadership skills can be taught, there are aspects that cannot be taught.

A good leader must know not only when to step aside, but also when to get out of the way. I can put you in a leadership role, but you have to figure out how to step into the role and carry it out. Fulfilling parenting roles and becoming a parent requires discovering something about yourself as a leader.

Both require you to think and act beyond the present for the best interest of something other than yourself. I saw it happen in the blink of an eye with the birth of my granddaughter. It was palpable when I walked into the room where my daughter-in-law was holding her newborn daughter, and it was overwhelming when my son held my gaze as he placed my granddaughter in my arms for the first time. It was an extraordinary ordinary moment.

Now my granddaughter? She is simply extraordinary!