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we all wear masks

The keynote speaker at a seminar I attended made this statement: “We all wear masks.” As I pondered the possible meanings that statement could have, I realized that it is a general summary of humanity. Regardless of who we are and at different times in our lives, we all wear masks.

So what is a mask? Generally speaking, a mask is a face covering. It is a covering for part or all of the face, used to hide a person’s identity. It is a grotesque or humorous face that is used in carnivals, masquerades, etc. Anything that disguises or covers up (for example, by pretending), is a mask. A person can be very hurt and hide it with a big smile – masks! Psychologists say that if a person tells you “I’m not lying” several times during a conversation, they are usually lying. More expensive! Many people have different masks for different days and perhaps for different occasions. Masks are those things that allow us to assume that we are different from other people.

I read an article in Psychology Today titled “The Truth About Lying” by Peter Doskoch. In it, Peter cited a study by psychologist and lying expert Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., who conducted research and concluded that “occasionally a person will insist that he or she can tell the whole truth for three or four weeks. But no one ever succeeds.” “Everyday lies are really part of the fabric of social life,” says DePaulo, a college professor. He thinks it’s “because people want to be accepted, and because sometimes telling it like it really is can be damaging to people’s hearts and relationships, so people exaggerate the truth a little bit, some more often than others. However, the problem arises when the liar begins to believe that he is telling the truth. He seriously deceives himself, while the people around him, except him, can see that he is lying and, perhaps, cunning. Usually, it won’t be long before skins are discovered by most people. While some lies damage relationships and destroy trust, other lies serve important interpersonal functions, such as smoothing out awkward situations or protecting fragile egos.

But how often do people lie and when do they lie? DePaulo and his colleagues asked 77 college students and 70 community members to keep a journal detailing every lie THEY told. It turned out that the students admitted to lying an average of twice a day, while local residents lied half the time. Among the study’s other findings:

* Community members lied in a fifth of their social interactions; students, a third. * Lying was more common in phone calls than in face-to-face chats. * One lie in seven was discovered, as far as the liars could tell. * A tenth of the lies were simply exaggerations, while 60 percent were outright deceptions. Most of the rest were subtle lies, often by omission. * More than 70 percent of liars would tell their lies again.

No one has ever managed to tell the absolute truth for three weeks straight! So what is it that makes lying an attraction, a possibility, or indeed a part (or fabric) of social interactions? Wondering about this, I asked a friend from Cork in Ireland.

Everyone operates under Maslow’s general pyramid of needs. The masks, therefore, would fall under the need for social acceptance. Maslow posited that after we are fed, watered, and housed, the need to be socially accepted becomes an urgent basic need. This means that a helpless and hungry bum does not give a two cent piece, whether you accept it or not. He doesn’t have two cents to rub (as the Irish would say). It will eat the crumbs from your table, if you are not too stingy to drop any. He will sleep in your dog’s kennel, if your dog is that friendly. He doesn’t give a damn who’s watching or laughing, as long as he can have something (anything) in his belly and an aisle to rest his head on.

But why is there a need to be socially accepted? The wearing of masks is a social disguise, worn effectively by all except the hungry and the destitute. People wear masks to hide their true identity, to hide their true emotions, their true feelings. Some people have fixed fake smiles, which look like photocopies on their faces. The smiles are perpetual, it makes you wonder if people are really that nice. Masks are used to win or secure friendships. In these, we all wear masks. Sometimes wearing masks becomes a necessity because you don’t want to tell people the truth about themselves or yourself. In the books of society’s mask wearers (who are often pompous and arrogant), it’s usually a dog eat dog world. When people are afraid to really be themselves around you, you force them to wear masks. Many people go to great lengths to ensure social acceptance for various reasons, damaging other people’s psyches, hearts, emotions, and lives in the process, no matter whose gored ox it is, changing their mask from “Jack- the-lad” for giant blood. – sucking on “Dracula” masks.

While discussing people’s masks with my very close friend, Richie Dayo Johnson, this is what he had to say. “Well, if you ask me, I’d say, let dogs eat dogs in their own world! Stay away from those who want to tell you where to jump, and keep running until you find those who will tell you where.” to jump!” Even clowns and phonies who wear masks professionally have to take them off at some point. If you constantly find yourself surrounded by people who want to have breakfast, lunch and dinner with you, keep running, until you reach those who will applaud you. There is that, in each one, that must be celebrated.No one should be forced to wear their masks in perpetuity.

Regardless of who is taking notes, share jokes with yourself and laugh out loud until it hurts. Pick a time to laugh or smile, even in public. Regularly look for something funny about yourself and laugh about it. When someone tells a joke at your expense, look at the funny side and laugh. Their job is to laugh at you and spread your guilt. Your work is done. Find someone who can help you troubleshoot and go fix it.

Keep learning and keep improving. Nothing of what we are today came to us in a day. Nothing that we have learned came to us from birth. I first heard from Dayo that we are all born with two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of being hit hard. All the other fears we picked up along the way growing up. Everything has been learned and progressed over time. No one has the power or the ability to change anyone except they feel the need and need to change themselves. We are what we were made. Don’t wear other people’s masks. You don’t know what their pain is or who they’re trying to impress. A mask is worn by a masquerade, you don’t know what face they have. Enjoy the person you were made of, regardless of who is watching.