Trip to Russia – Smile, a picture is being taken! Are Russians friendly to tourists?
Sometimes it’s the little things, the ones that can go unnoticed or that most people take for granted, that can have the biggest impact and leave a lasting impression. For a Russian, a Ukrainian, or anyone from the FSU, what little things can be immediately apparent upon coming to the United States? One of the first things I noticed in daily interactions with people in the US was the smiles and kindness that was openly displayed between everyone.
One might expect this treatment to be standard in the service sector for them to be successful. But I mean ordinary people, part of the anonymous crowds that one passes in the streets every day. If you meet eyes, it’s normal to offer a smile or a quick hello even if you don’t know him. If you meet a person on the street, in an elevator, walking a dog next to your house, it is customary to greet or acknowledge them. If another driver lets you pass first on the highway or allows you to make a last-minute turn, a polite wave of the hand is often seen as a sign of thanks.
As a contrast in social norms, try waving your hand when driving through Petersburg, Moscow, or Vladivostok or try letting other cars pull up in front of you. You will be ignored, mocked or taken advantage of in the line of traffic. We have many gestures offered in traffic, but these particular gestures of gratitude are not yet part of Russian culture.
Russia, however, is constantly changing, evolving as influences from around the world are more apparent. Every 2-3 months I go to Russia and I notice more and more positive changes. Recently, it has become a more frequent part of our driving culture to turn on one’s lights as a thank you when another lets you go in front or just squeezes you… 🙂
How does this contrast with a Petersburg metro or on the main streets? Even in the early hours of the morning when there are few on the streets, one does not greet the person one does not know; instead, he walks past them as if they didn’t exist. If you offered greetings, you would probably receive a look of disbelief mixed with a look that something must be seriously wrong with you. This is not to say that the Russians themselves are not very open and hospitable to the people they meet. The marked difference lies in the treatment of those with whom one has not yet been formally acquainted.
My Muj (husband) strongly believes that people are by nature very similar and mostly friendly. He says that a smile given freely usually pays off many times over. In fact, much to my discomfort, I was determined to run an experiment in the St. Petersburg metro one day. As he was sitting, he noticed a mother with her youngest son (perhaps 5-6 years old) sitting across from us. It was clear from the posture that the mother was not pleased with the child, and she looked at him coldly. She returned a pleading look, but she was rebuffed with icy determination. The boy pouted and groaned. My husband had candy in his pocket and suggested offering it to the boy to brighten the prospect for him. He was horrified that he would try to hire a stranger…in the Metro, no less. I suggested that this was unwise, but he smiled at me and moved on.
He started looking at the woman until she noticed. When her eyes met, she smiled and pointed to the candy she had just taken from her pocket. With a questioning look and a gesture to the boy, the mother instantly understood her intent. She returned his smile and leaned towards the boy. With a tap on her shoulder, he looked up at her, then followed her gaze to my Muj. Like an eagle high in a tree, scanning the valley for her next meal, the boy instantly drew her attention to the candy in his hand. His eyes widened and he quickly looked to her mother for an approving nod, which she gave him calmly. My husband reached out his hand, cradling the candy in his palm, and the boy gently retrieved it with a smile as wide as the Neva River. He looked at his mother and then at me. Suddenly, the whole part of the cabin was infected with a smile that did not stop.
Once when I was running to the mall in the US to collect photos, I ran into the door as it was about to close and accidentally bumped into a person. To my surprise, this man apologized for being in my way…something I never expected to hear.
Whether one considers the ubiquitous American smile to be sincere or just polite, I think this is a good thing for any culture to learn from and accept. Seeing open faces, smiles, and kindness among all people, not necessarily your friends, makes our everyday lives so much easier. For now, don’t expect it to be part of everyday Russian culture. Stand your ground knowing that once a Russian person meets you, everything they have will be shared with you.
Remember, smiles are contagious wherever they’re tried. Keep smiling and walk through your life with your head held high, your eyes forward and a smile on your lips.
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