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Sexual insults, intimidation and habitual harassment

Children need to understand the importance of standing up for themselves. They should be given guidelines for dealing with negative behaviors, such as online and face-to-face name-calling. They need to understand how actions like making sexual comments and sharing sexual images, whether in person or online, can cause embarrassment and affect someone’s reputation.

Behaviors that may offend or upset others include sexual insults. These can be verbal, written or communicated by gestures. Insults are particularly harmful when a person knows that they belong to a social group that is a victim of society, for example, women, homosexuals, ethnic minorities or low social classes. The person making the insult often feels a sense of superiority and confidence knowing that they have the general support of society.

Children must be taught when to stand up to bullies and when to ask for adult support. A bully is not a strong person. A bully feels strong if he manages to victimize someone who is more vulnerable than him. Teens need to be informed about the emotional impact and legal implications of different types of bullying and abuse in relationships.

Teenage girls, especially, can be very sensitive to comments made about their appearance. Men insist that women have sex for their own orgasm as if women have sexual drives like men. Many women of any age translate eroticism as dirty (disgusting or unpleasant). This makes women feel ashamed of their sexual role in facilitating male orgasm. Women in particular need to understand the issues associated with saying ‘no’ to sex or other unwanted intimacy. We all need to think about how we deal with rejection, feeling ashamed, and feeling used. Girls can be just as hurtful as boys.

Women can travel alone today if they travel with others. But as soon as a woman is alone with a man (in a taxi or on a boat, for example), she is likely to feel vulnerable. A man could easily threaten her (even passively leaving her in the middle of nowhere) to force her to hand over her valuables. Some people feel that women should never take the kinds of risks that are routine for men. But in civilized societies it is not right to limit the freedom of an adult just because there are a few men who represent a danger to civilized society.

Women expect so-called civilized men to hold back. This attitude is evidence that women never experience a sexual drive like men do. Women do not understand that the sexual drive cannot be easily suppressed. Young women rely on the protection of society to make fun of men by behaving provocatively but without having to face the consequences. This is the equivalent of a gazelle prancing in front of a hungry lion with full knowledge that the lion cannot catch up with it. It is hardly moral or right. Any man who attempts a sexual advance is accused of sexual harassment. Women want the right to provoke but not to comply. Women need to be educated about the male sex drive.

Sexual harassment, including stalking, is usually (but not always) perpetrated by men with women as victims. If men are victims of sexual abuse, they may be reluctant to seek help because of the shame of being a victim. Many women put up with sexual harassment because they are ashamed to report it or because they do not know how to deal with the conflict.

Male propaganda suggesting that everyone should love sex is an implicit intimidation tactic. There is no “should” about sexual pleasure. A person enjoys sexual activity naturally (probably because they are easily aroused) or not. Pornography and erotic fiction give young women the impression that they are supposed to engage in activities like oral sex and that they should enjoy them. But these are activities that men enjoy and that men expect (in their fantasies) that women will perform for them.

There is a view that younger and less experienced women should be encouraged to talk about the orgasms they think they are experiencing. But these are just stories. Women must be educated to accept the acceptability of the reality of their sexuality. But women who have been told that their sexuality involves easy orgasms may not be willing to give up emotional beliefs that make them feel more sexual than they really are.

Men dominate almost every aspect of heterosexual society. But men’s interest in sex means that their views are especially dominant in any discussion of sexuality. The only way a woman will succeed in such an environment is by reflecting masculine beliefs. The only female perspective that is promoted is the one that involves women saying what men want to hear. There also has to be a place for the truth about women’s sexuality.

Ignoring what someone says is a form of bullying. One person promotes their own point of view, which implies the invalidity of the other person until they give up. Once the second person has been silenced, the first person claims victory. Thereafter, the first person concludes that he is right because no one objects. When someone is trying to keep you happy or needs your support, they may agree with you just to please you. If someone is making money off of you, they will agree with almost everything you say.

Your partner is not there to serve you, it is not their job to keep you sexually satisfied. They are together because they love each other and want to make each other happy. Constantly disturbing the sex does the opposite. (Tracey Cox 1999)