Proper Wedding Etiquette on Gifts – Wedding War of Words
I read an article today about a bride’s action and reaction to a wedding gift received and I couldn’t, NOT think about it, or have anything to say about it.
I was shocked, horrified and at the same time empathetic and sympathetic to BOTH parties!
Who are the 2 parties? The article says something about 1 guest and 2 girlfriends (but that confuses me). Anyway, the bottom line is this: the bride(s) from the UK, texted a guest from Ontario, Canada and started one hell of a WAR of words, because… (and here it is) the trick)… the bride felt that the gift she received was “too cheap”!
Now, you, being the reader of the article, may instinctively choose one part over the other and you will definitely have very valid reasons for doing so. The writers of the article themselves did a quick poll and there were people who were in favor of both sides. But let me (for argument’s sake) explain my dilemma and why I can’t think of one over the other so easily.
Let me start by saying that I can’t help but read this article from 4 pairs of eyes. Not 2 pairs, not 3, but 4! That is, the Brides, the Guests, as a Professional and Personally!
From a girlfriend’s point of view, I’ve been there (but haven’t done that!). I advised my guests that I preferred cash gifts as I had my house ready for 2 years and didn’t need any decorative, kitchen or household items. Ultimately, I had quite a few people give me cash and decorative gifts, and speaking from the bride’s perspective, after all that effort and expense, you CAN’T help but be a little disappointed with some of the cash received. . For a Bride, this cash is part of the expectation of a gift; So, when you give something to someone for a big event, would you go the extra mile or would you prefer it to be something appreciated and useful? For example, people give significant wedding gifts such as honeymoon packages, expensive spa treatments, expensive crystals, and according to Indian custom, gold is given to show love, respect, and blessings of the giving family. So if you include a gift that could be the equivalent of buying 3 Subway sandwiches, you are way below the bride’s expectations!
Turning to the guest’s point of view. The item has a picture of the gift that was given (basically a gift basket filled with food and treats). From the looks of it, that big wicker basket looks very eco-friendly, reusable, decorative, and honestly expensive. At IKEA, a wicker basket that isn’t half as stylish as the one in the picture costs a minimum of $15 – $20…and that’s just the basket. The article goes on to say that the guest couple filled the basket with all kinds of goodies, sugar and spices and everything good. They added a well-wishes note that read… “Enjoy… Life is delicious” (or something like that). Now for the guests, that basket took a lot of thought and effort. The total value of that basket could easily have been over $150! And I can say one thing about an honest Canadian; They have great respect and value for money and the environment! So a value of $150-$180 per item is close to a day’s pay for some people. So that’s not a joke! Also, what happened to the phrase… “It’s the thought that counts”?
Now, let me express my opinion as a professional. I am a certified professional wedding planner and like all my colleagues in this field, part of my professional certification training is Bridal Etiquette. So this is where I think the bride dropped the ball. Second, the article says that the bride exchanged words such as “Weddings are to earn money for your future.” Not to pay for people’s meals. Correct me if I’m wrong but I thought weddings were to celebrate your love and life with someone who makes you want to be a better person and have your family and friends surrounding you on this momentous day to celebrate this new life journey for 2 people… (The act of giving gifts is in line with the idea of showing your support for the newlyweds… not necessarily with finances!). If I’m wrong, then I’m in the wrong business, because that’s one of the main reasons I became a wedding planner! In support of a comment in the article, wedding celebrations are NOT a business for the bride and groom! It is a celebration of Love, not an act for profit! Cash gifts received are intended to be a bonus to the married couple. They certainly can’t cover the cost of the wedding or even close, but they can help recoup the costs involved.
Anyway, my personal opinions have crept into my previous views. The 2 things I want to share separately are; I am the kind of person who will appreciate any act/gift that shows love and support. I’m a big believer in the old adage that “it’s the idea that counts,” though I can understand the bride’s disappointment over a gift that wasn’t up to the standard of what she received from others.
On a final note to all my readers; they can be brides, brides-to-be, bridesmaids, or just trying to throw a party. My honest suggestion for managing gifts for the occasion is “Advance Notice.” Politely tell your guests what works best for you. Be sweet, short, brief and to the point. Something like the following should work fine with guests:
“Us, [Groom] & [Bride]Kindly request all our guests who wish to support us with a gift on our Transcendental Day, to kindly present us with cash and not valuables.
We have [set up an account (number, bank name, code) / created a cash box at the wedding reception] where you can deposit your cash or check payable to us.
We thank you in advance for your blessings and support in making our day special and look forward to celebrating with you!”
Another way to avoid an unpleasant situation is to register for gifts, there are many websites that support wedding gift registry and they are extremely easy and simple to find and manage. These 2 options also save the bride the worry/effort of managing the gifts that are received AT the wedding!
That’s all from me on this topic for now. For free specialist ideas on your wedding or event and for more tips on planning your wedding, contact me by visiting my website or read my blog posts.
Until then, take care and have a fabulous wedding!
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