Potential Child Discipline Entanglements
I am the beneficiary of three lovely grandchildren. With ages ranging from six months to 3 1/2 years, these are busy days. The two eldest children are from my son and my daughter-in-law; the baby is the first child for my daughter and her husband. Each grandchild has their own special and distinct personality and they keep mom and dad skipping days we visit or care for them. The role of grandparents is a fun and exciting challenge.
I guess the only potential problem that could arise between children, parents, and grandparents is discipline. While our oldest son has a casual approach that works outside of exhausting and exhausting meltdowns, our daughter plans to take a much stricter role with her daughter from the start. With 250 miles separating families, disagreement over parenting techniques rarely arises more than in the “go-between” conversation one sibling may have with me about the other’s behaviors and reactions. As a mom to both of us, I try to nod, agree or disagree, while trying to keep things friendly. So far this has served me well, but two upcoming family vacations have me a little nervous.
The first arrives this June when we plan to spend eight days in our rustic cabin. Built in the late 1930’s, we’ve added conveniences like running water and a toilet, but there isn’t much privacy. The bedroom is used to store suitcases and belongings, the open dining room and living room are the general gathering places for breakfast and games, and we all sleep together on the sleeping porch. We have a beautiful beach down the hill that we share with my sister who has a cabin next door. There is room for everyone, but will it be enough if there is a disagreement about the children’s moods and behaviors? I thought everything went well last summer, however we had two kids instead of three, a toddler and a baby sister instead of two toddlers and a one year old. Discussion is required upfront, but as a peacemaker this will not be an easy role for me. Can’t everyone give and take and just get along?
I’m thinking of a designated quiet time in the morning so the parents can sleep in while I grab the little ones and go for a walk. Breakfast should be a sit down and eat affair with no snacks to follow. Lunch on the beach should be simple and an afternoon of rest or siesta will be a must for all of us. Dinner, once again, calls for simplicity, and a set bedtime for kids is an unlikely but desirable wish. Maybe a schedule for cooking, cleaning, and other chores will help. I should also add to the “big talk” list that we all discipline in our own style and need to be receptive and aware that one’s ideas may not necessarily match those of other family members. If we have zero tolerance for yelling and fighting, I think we’ll survive. Our cabin is wonderful and it would be terrible not to be able to share this time with the ones I love every summer until forever.
If things are going well enough, we’ve also booked a vacation to Hawaii in December. With the three-bedroom condominium in mind, it seems like there may be separation for naps and nights and a central space for meals, games, and family fun. With a beach on one side and a pool on the other, entertainment should never be a problem. The adults can play golf while mom and dad splash and play with the little ones. Later we can unite for some activities and divide for others. It seems to me that space will be a key factor in my dream world of family vacations. Again, direct conversation is also vital.
I have seen other families fall apart over disagreements and I don’t want to witness that with my own children. My sisters and I get along pretty well, we know when to meet up and when to have some quiet, private time, so I think my own kids should be able to figure this out too. The contribution of the readers will be valued. Please send me a note.
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