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Just say “Thank you”

I met a brilliant woman who is accomplishing great things. She is working with our youth and really makes a difference with them in their academic pursuits. I recognized her. She did not accept the recognition. She downplayed herself and her achievement. That was a moment. As a coach, I don’t step above anything. That simple act, the act of her diminishing herself and what she is doing, was a moment of opportunity for her to wake up to what she is doing.

I said “don’t belittle yourself. Just allow yourself to be recognized. Even just say thank you.” We continued to have a coaching conversation in which he told me that he was taught to be “humble”. (Humility is defined as showing a low estimate of self-importance.) I asked him why. She couldn’t say why, but that’s just how she was raised. The impact of living as if being humble is the right way to be is a decrease in self-esteem, a decreased sense of accomplishment and accomplishment, lower income, and often as a result, a decreased ability to truly make a difference that she wanted to do. Before going to sleep, he said, “You changed my life tonight.” That was my intention and it is always what I intend to do with my clients.

We women are waking up to how repressed we have allowed ourselves to be. There is a culture change underway. Every day I read something that points out that if a man acted the way a woman does, they would not have called him difficult or aggressive, but rather applauded him for his leadership. I train leading women in this all the time. And I know it’s not easy. When you reject the status quo, you will upset some people. Human beings resist change. We like to be comfortable. We like the status quo. It is a strange phenomenon if you think about it. The world is constantly changing, yet we find things that work the way we feel comfortable and resist any change. Otherwise, why would it have been more than 130 years from the beginning of the constitution until women had the right to vote? Why are 52% of all professional-level jobs held by women and only 3% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women? What will it take to alter that paradigm?

I think it will take each and every woman to wake up and change the status quo, challenge what we were taught as children. Some of this may work for you, but some of those lessons clearly don’t make you master of your own power and brilliance. Think, discover and try new ways to trade. I’m not saying it’s easy, change never is. However, if we are to make a difference, we, as women, have to be the ones to step up and speak up.

Stop being humble. Own your power. When someone recognizes you, just say “Thank you.”