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How can I convince my husband that I have changed my ways to give me a second chance?

It is a terrible feeling to look back at your marriage with a negative perspective. Sometimes we don’t see things clearly enough until we are faced with losing them forever. I recently heard from a wife who was experiencing this first hand. Her husband had left her after finally getting tired of her constantly bending the truth, not treating him respectfully, acting irresponsibly, and taking it for granted.

She said, in part: “I was furious at my husband when he left me. I was furious that he would give up on our marriage without telling me first. But after I began to think clearly, I realized that he did give me a lot of warnings, but he wasn’t always paying attention. I spent the money he earned like crazy and put us in a lot of debt. I bent the truth about my activities so that I could keep doing exactly what he wanted. hard while having fun. If he mentioned to me that he was not happy about this He called him a stick in the mud or asked him if he was my father. He flirted with other boys and didn’t show him the respect. He deserved it. He was just loving, loyal, and good to me, but I didn’t fully appreciate him until now. Like this. that I am now at the point where I realize my mistakes and am committed to changing my ways. I have gotten a better job and have stopped spending, lying and partying. But when I tell him this, he looks at me doubtfully in his e yes and does not try to see me again. If you just gave me a second chance, I could show you and I would show you that our marriage could be different. Will you give me that second chance? How can I make sure it does? “I will try to answer these questions below.

Generally, for your husband to give you and your marriage a second chance, several things must happen at once: Over time, it became quite obvious that this wife was sincere. It has been months since her husband left. And, during that time, she got a job, adjusted her thinking and behavior, and truly embraced a new way of life that the husband had been encouraging and asking for from the beginning.

The wife was frustrated that she had made all of these changes, and yet despite her repeatedly detailing her mistakes and how she had changed them, her husband had not yet been receptive enough to give her another chance or go home. In fact, she had started talking about the divorce, which especially bothered her.

This wife did not understand that for her husband to give him a second chance or be open to a reconciliation, several things must happen, as follows:

1. Your husband must fully believe that not only have you really and truly changed, but you understand why you acted the way you did and are completely sorry for it. He needs to believe that you now see the attributes in him that you missed before so that you don’t continue to take it for granted.

2. Your husband needs to believe that the changes you made are lasting and that you didn’t just “change” for his benefit. Many husbands suspect that as soon as he agrees to give you another chance or comes home, you will eventually feel comfortable again and fall back on your old ways so that he has to deal with the same behaviors over and over again with no escape. .

3. Once your husband believes that he has made lasting changes and accomplishments, then he must realize that continuing in a relationship or marriage with you will be better for him (or make him happier) than continuing to be alone. . Sure, I might believe that you may have changed. But sometimes, you still feel like too much negativity has occurred between you to really save the marriage. However, he doubts that things can ever “be the same” again.

Identify and address any concerns your husband may have about giving him a second chance. Where does your reluctance and resistance come from? It is true that I did not personally know either the husband or the wife in this setting. So, I couldn’t pin down which of the 3 above factors prevented the husband from creating his wife or giving her a second chance. But, if the wife actually observed the husband’s behaviors and listened to the clues he was probably offering her, then she should be able to figure out what was really getting in her way.

Most of the time, this is a gradual process because you have to endure to keep going long enough to overcome what is usually considerable resistance and doubt from a husband. In truth, this couple had been married for years and yet the wife changes had only existed for a few months. The husband probably still had his doubts that the changes were sincere or that they would really last. And she may also have had her doubts about whether the two of them could ever be happy again after he left her and left the marriage.

The best way to address these concerns was to simply continue with what you were doing and give the process time to work. Because over time, the husband could probably see that she really was sincere and that she absolutely meant what she was saying. It would be helpful if you somehow let your husband know that you are incorporating these changes even when he is not looking at you. If a mutual friend or family member comments on the changes in you without your being present, this can help.

Here is one more point I would like to make. It is quite possible that the husband was slowing down at the idea that his wife could change, but that he still had his doubts that the marriage could really be easy or happy. The wife admitted to me that sometimes things were tense when they were together because she was frustrated that her plan didn’t seem to be working. This was something to be avoided in the future.

It is vitally important that your husband sees that you are cheerful, fun-loving, and very easy to be around. The relationship and conversations should be light and should not feel awkward or forced. I know this sometimes takes some effort, but if each interaction feels or reads negatively, then this will often only reinforce the husband’s belief that the marriage is too far to save.