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Dirty little secrets from cheating spouses

Infidelity. What a scary word. When you think of a cheating spouse, you usually think of a movie or another person; We rarely consider infidelity to occur in our own home. Until the day you suspect you’re living with an infidel.

At first, the fear of an adventure is a small “blink” on your internal radar. Their comings and goings increase your awareness. Perhaps an excess of phone calls at strange hours or an inexplicable happiness in your partner make you doubt. Most betrayed spouses can, with hindsight, identify the moment when the possibility of infidelity became a very real opportunity in their lives.

No two cheating spouses are the same, but most cheating spouses have a few dirty things in common. These same characteristics are also the key to your sanity, as you can observe them in your spouse and then empower yourself to take the action you need.

Cheating spouses hate lying to you, at first. Yes it’s correct. Most cheating spouses really struggle with dishonesty at first. Over time, the guilt fades and lying becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is showing a very guilty attitude around you lately, he may have caught you at the start of an affair.

Cheating spouses are the most stressed human beings you have ever met. The stress of lying, maintaining two lives, keeping all your stories straight, and trying to keep two partners happy can be overwhelming. While a new affair isn’t as stressful as one that’s been ongoing, most cheating spouses subconsciously want to get caught so someone can force them to break up.

Cheating spouses rely on today’s technology to keep the affair alive and intact. Things like email and cell phone make matters much easier to maintain, and they also make matters much easier to have in the first place. If you suspect infidelity in your relationship, start by checking email and cell phone accounts. Any strange email address or cell phone number should be investigated for your peace of mind.

Not all cheating spouses are degenerate garbage bags. Businesses happen to good people. Yes, affairs can even happen to a spouse worth keeping. The fear of being labeled “degenerate” due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most cheating spouses living a lie.

If an affair is confirmed in your relationship, remember one thing. The next steps, actions, and efforts are on you, the betrayed spouse. Don’t waste your energy thinking about the other woman (or man), don’t waste your energy on the guilty spouse. You just had a traumatic experience that will focus on trust. The misconception is that healing from an affair involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this is on the list of future issues to address, it is not your immediate concern. Your first concern will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.

Cheating spouses tend to thrive on the self-doubt that betrayed spouses inflict on themselves. The desire to trust is stronger than the desire to discover that someone you are with is not trustworthy. When infidelity is confirmed, the first victims of trust problems are the betrayed spouses. Take some time for yourself and heal before attempting any other changes in your life.