the manly handbook


After a dozen readings, I still laugh at this handy reference to masculinity. I lost my first copy to one of my drinking buddies, so I was in good hands (or so I thought). My second copy has been carefully stored for several years in case I need to review manly behavior…such as sleeping rigidly on my back, with one eye open or face down in a drunken state, hang gliding in enemy territory or navigate a canoe through rough waters. and get attacked by depraved hillbillies.

The Manly Manual will reteach you everything you need to know about food (anything fried or with additives), grooming (your own sweat is deodorant), dating (every girl at the jukebox is hitting on you ), philosophy (“a man has to do, what a man has to do”, “What does it matter to you?”), your best friend (your car), respect your mother (let her prepare the food), history (the life of Ghengis Khan, the Alamo), and entertainment (e.g. Mickey Spillane novels).

If you’ve had enough of feminist attitudes, communist propaganda, metrosexuals, and Richard Simmons, well then mate, you need to get a copy of The Manly Handbook. I mean ditch that quiche, bean sprouts, and daytime TV, like now, soldier. Any meal that isn’t spent eating red meat with a red tint, pork rinds, and scrambled eggs is just plain weak. Any time not spent in his car, bending elbows at the bar, or watching a Sam Peckinpah movie is a man’s life wasted. So catch up on the good stuff and read this book.

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