They say marriage is a 50-50 partnership but you know better than that. It’s rare for a couple to split everything, including time and attention, right down the middle. In many marriages, there is an imbalance when it comes to the attention and affection that is shared. If you feel that his wife is not living up to her end of that bargain, this can quickly lead to resentment and conflict. When your wife never spends time with you, it’s easy to understand why you become bitter and angry with her. You are likely to feel left out and naturally assume that she cares about you a lot less than she cares about you. You are right to feel all these things and you must not allow anyone to convince you otherwise. When a man stops caring about the way his wife treats him, he is essentially leaving the marriage, and that’s obviously not something you want to do.
Have a conversation with your spouse about the state of your marriage
Communication is the obvious cornerstone of a healthy and prosperous marriage. Many couples mistakenly think they have great communication with each other when they regularly talk about their mutual problems, including finances and children. Those are the necessities of life and it would be difficult to have a productive family and home environment if you ignored those problems. However, it is important for both of you to dig deeper into the heart of your marriage. Getting to a place where you both feel comfortable talking about all of this can take time and effort, but the end reward is worth it.
To get started, start by asking your wife when would be a good time to talk. You don’t want to provoke her into an emotional argument when you’re solving a family problem or when she’s feeling exhausted from a long, stressful day. Instead, ask her if there might be a time in the next week when she can turn her attention to you. Explain that you miss talking to her and that you feel it’s important for the two of you to take stock of where her connection is. If she senses that your effort to have a conversation with her is coming from a genuine and calm place, she will be eager to have that conversation.
Take on a little extra work around the house to free up your time
Many wives don’t give their husband the time and attention he deserves because of logistics, not emotions. Is your wife devoted almost entirely to pursuing her own career, her children, and keeping your home and household in order? If she does, it’s quite possible that her schedule is already so full that she doesn’t have time to devote exclusively to you. This is a harsh reality in many marriages, but unfortunately, it’s also a fact of life.
If your wife has shouldered most of the household chores and responsibilities, take on some yourself. You don’t have to position yourself as the hero while doing that, but rather as the loving husband and compassionate father. Something as simple as cooking a family dinner once or twice a week can make a world of difference in your wife’s life. The same is true if she can rearrange her own schedule so that she can chauffeur the kids to soccer practice or their piano recital. Anything she can do to lighten her workload will not only give you more time to focus on her marriage, but she will also make her feel appreciated by you.
Plan activities that both of you can enjoy together
You two used to go out. Of course, that changed when they became co-parents, but now is the perfect time to change their relationship to one where the two of them seek their own adventures with each other. Someone has to take the lead when it comes to changing the dynamics of your marriage, and there is no better candidate than you. Think about the things your wife loves to do, and then plan outings that involve those things you can both have fun with. A wonderful byproduct of that is that the two of you will reconnect in the process.
It’s often hard to plan ahead when you’re juggling a full work schedule along with the kids, but you really need to start seeing this time with your wife as a priority. Arrange childcare so your wife can’t tell you that she can’t come because a babysitter isn’t available. He may even want to venture out for a whole night. If that’s the case, consider swapping childcare with another married couple. You take their children for one night in exchange for taking care of yours.
Your outing doesn’t have to be extravagant. It can be something as simple as ice cream in a park that you used to frequent when you first got married. Or maybe you can go to the movies once a month. If you go that route, let your wife pick the movie.
The key to this is making time for each other. Even if you now feel that his wife will object to the idea of dating again, plan ahead. He may be pleasantly surprised to learn that she has been waiting all along for her Prince Charming to reappear and fall in love with her. A good, solid, committed and supportive marriage requires effort. Be the one to make that effort and you’ll probably notice a noticeable difference in his wife’s attitude very quickly.