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My husband keeps lying after his affair

Many wives who are dealing with infidelity, understandably, want the full truth about every little detail of their husband’s life and thoughts. It may seem like an exaggeration to some, but when a web of lies betrays and misleads you, you can reach a point where you will only tolerate 100% of the truth at all times. This can include the mundane details of everyday life and those little things that most would consider to be unimportant. Under this lens, many wives find that their husbands still float in falsehoods, however small. Understandably, this can arouse a wife’s suspicions even when there may be nothing wrong.

She might say, “I used to shrug my shoulders and sometimes laugh when my husband downplayed certain things or told little white lies. For the most part, this was harmless. For example, she might lie about how much money he spent or when. The last time you called your sister or mother. I could downplay time spent in a bar or silly things like that. They are harmless things. But since your adventure, even little things like this are intolerable to me and it’s becoming a problem A bigger problem. I am now extremely sensitive to lies because his lying is what allowed him to carry out his adventure successfully. It is also the reason why I did not suspect him until the adventure became a real problem. or omitting details about the matter. I fought hard for the truth. I stressed that I couldn’t move on until I felt like he had told me everything. Then little bits of additional information leaked out. . I thought that once this was behind me, I would have learned that it takes Ded to tell the truth. And yet I still catch him in little white lies. He will tell me that he had lunch in a certain place and that he comes to find out, he ate somewhere else. Or you will mix up the order you did things. When I confront him, he gets defensive and says that he was wrong and that it is impossible to accurately account for every second of his day. He told me I should give it a try if I think it’s that easy. Honestly, I know where I have eaten. Precisely. Every time. I admit that sometimes my husband can be a fool. But I think if I knew that honesty is important to me, I would try harder. Am I wrong about this? For me, especially now, precision is vital. I have no patience even for little lies. I’m exaggerating? “

I don’t think you are. What you are going through is normal. I reacted the same way. But I found something interesting, at least in my own case. Sometimes a mistake is just a mistake. For example, in the early stages of our recovery, I thought it was very important every time my husband spoke badly. I thought it was potentially catastrophic every time I was late. He insisted that he was being truthful and sincere. And now, years later, I can look back and I can see that he was actually telling me the truth. Because in the years since then, he has done exactly what he claimed. But at the time, when things were so fresh I assumed every little suspicion meant for sure that I might be cheating again. And these suspicions meant that he couldn’t be objective at all. So in my case, I saw problems where none existed. That said, a friend of mine assumed the best of her husband and cheated on him again. So you never know. My strategy became that the benefit of the doubt would be granted until it no longer made sense to do that. If there are too many suspicious things, then it is wise to pay attention. But if someone just speaks badly from time to time and otherwise their behavior is correct, then that may be normal.

Honestly, one of the best things you can try in this situation is to have a counselor ask your husband about inconsistencies. That way, you don’t have to be the bad guy and you don’t have to feed your paranoia and suspicions. If your husband refuses counseling, try self-help that lists specific questions to ask. Ask your husband to write down the answers so that he is responsible for them. If what you say is not true, you have a written record of it. But if you are telling the truth, you don’t need to check it.

There is nothing wrong with insisting on full transparency and truth after an adventure. Both are necessary. If you lie constantly and about important things, that can be worrisome. But if he just talks bad about innocent things when you try to “catch” him at all times, then that may be more innocent. Usually, it is the combination of their falsehoods and their behavior that is of the greatest concern. Some men are not good with details, but they consistently show their loyalty and do whatever you ask of them. This distinction can be important.