In the movie i think i love my wife , comedian/actor Chris Rock stars as a sexually deprived husband and loving father who falls for an old college friend he bumps into (played by Kerry Washington). They start dating her and her rekindled friendship with her sparks some romantic desires that create a rift in both her marriage and her work.
When he becomes dizzy with lust and begins to lose control of his responsibilities at the prestigious investment firm he works for, his boss has a heart-to-heart with him and gives him some insightful advice: “You can lose a lot of money.” chasing women… but you can’t lose women chasing money.”
I wish black youth would heed this advice as they grow up. Such an approach would avoid the underdevelopment of potentialities and values that make them go astray and seek validation in other ways.
Culturally, black guys (especially those who are modest or above average in appearance) hear how many girlfriends they’re expected to have, how many hearts they’re going to break, or what a “lady killer” they’re going to be before learning how to tie their own shoes. .
With the seeds of distraction planted so early in their fertile minds and the predictions of being a future “heartthrob,” black children formulate subconscious achievement motives that involve validation, edification, and prioritization of babies.
Validation confirms that they do indeed attract the opposite sex. Edification is what allows them to rise above the male competitors in their age group; further allowing for ego boost and feelings of self worth. The prioritization is the rank of importance that they give to the expenditure of time spent in the search and conquest of women.
Combined, they form the roots of many of the problems that plague Black families. I call it the babes and babes syndrome: black men who are motivated by the search for babies and avoid the responsibility of caring for their babies in the process.
For many of these young people who become young people with this syndrome, it is difficult to change their mindset. After all, if you’re constantly asked how many girlfriends you have as you get older, it creates an unconscious expectation. Coupled with the fact that many of their peers engage in and therefore endorse the same behavior, our black teens are more likely to get their player cards before they get their library cards.
Despite the fact that friends and family tell them to “settle down” when they’re older (now grown men), it takes time (and usually some drama) before they develop a sense of self-awareness about their lewd ways. It’s not that they can’t help it, they often just don’t know how, especially after spending most of their lives as virile men whose self-esteem and self-worth is tied to the validation they receive from women’s sexual conquest. .
Breaking habits and changing our way of thinking is a great challenge for all of us, but for the players of the world it is exceptionally difficult. It doesn’t happen simply because they feel “it’s time” or because they feel “they’re getting old,” it happens when baby-winning no longer has the allure, power, validation, or meaning it once did. . Then, and only then, can there be a true change of values.
Some make the successful transition from boys to men. They are the ones who never bought into the “player mentality” because they were guided or focused from an early age by their parents, had conflicting values, or played the field and their conscience made them change their ways; thus avoiding baby and infant syndrome.
Those who cling to the predatory mindset of using women to build, feed, or sustain their egos well into adulthood comprise the bulk of the perpetrators contributing to the demise of the socioeconomic plight of Black families today. .
It is a very serious problem.
How seriously? SAVE AMERICA Ministries published A Portrait of the Black Family 2007: Descent into Destruction! in which the following statistics were documented:
-70% of all black children are born out of wedlock.
-62% of black families with children are headed by a single parent.
-85% of black children do not live in a home with their parents.
-Only 15-20% of black children born today will grow up with 2 parents until they are 16 years old.
-70% of African American children in the criminal justice system come from single parent homes.
-50% of all new AIDS cases are found in the black community, which comprises only 12% of the population.
-85% of all AIDS cases in Atlanta are black women.
-African Americans are 20 times more likely than whites to have gonorrhea.
-AIDS is now the number 1 killer of black women, ages 25-44.
-67% of black women with AIDS contracted HIV through heterosexual sex.
-Black men in the United States are involved in polygamous relationships, 3 1/2 times more than whites or Hispanics.
– Nearly 2 million black men are currently in or have been in state or federal prison.
-By age 30, only 52% of black women will marry compared to 81% of white women, 77% of Hispanic and Asian women.
James Flynn, whose claim to fame is his much-discussed “Flynn Effect” in which he documents the increase in black IQ by approximately 15 percent, posted the following information relating to the disappearance of black marriages in New Scientist.
Government statistics show that at birth there are 104 black boys for every 100 girls. Between the ages of 25 and 45, six more men die than women, leaving 98 men for every 100 women. Of these 98 men, nine are in jail, eight are missing, and 21 have less than part-time employment.
That leaves 60 “promising” black men, men who are alive, employed, and not convicted felons. Consider also that promising black men living with a non-black partner outnumber white men with a black partner by three. That leaves just 57 black men for every 100 women in a position to be a permanent partner. Of 100 black women, 43 face the choice of having a child by a black man who is unlikely to settle with them or being childless, assuming they (a) want to get married and (b) want children.
That is compelling information. Is it accurate? The dispossession seen in fragmented black families headed by single mothers says yes. Furthermore, just witnessing the number of rebellious black men who continue to celebrate their masculinity through procreation rather than full and active fatherly involvement in their children’s lives, is further proof.
When black men are able to find meaning and meaning in their lives internally, they are less dependent on external circumstances to boost their egos or to fill a void. They can find pride, peace, and salvation in the sanctity of marriage and the joy of parenthood if they choose to value it.
Which brings me back to the movie. i think i love my wife.
Once Chris Rock’s character reveals his lust for his long-lost friend, they agree to have a “farewell fling.” He arrives at his house and continues to reflect on his decision to move on. She answers the door in very revealing lingerie, effectively confirming her decision to move on. He sees himself in the mirror with the tie on his head and remembers his little daughter (with whom he is in an earlier scene playing affectionately). It is a moment of reckoning for him. He pulls himself together and leaves without becoming another victim of baby-toddler syndrome.